PART ONE:
1. Original opener- As I stepped off the boat, I could feel mist from the water spray on my face. With the sun poking through the clouds, I squinted to see the Eiffel Tower. It was bigger than I had remebered. The sound of car horns and children playing in the park spread to my ears. The smell of coffe and fresh bread romaed through each street. With ever turn there was something to see, feel, smell, and something, to love.
2. There it was, the biggest stone house for blocks. Ivy circled the windows like spider webs, and flowers inched their way up towards the sun that poked through the trees shadowing the walk. I picked up my bags and headed towards the door. This was it; this was home.
3. "And now," said the Priest quietly, "we will hold a moment of silence". It was silent all right, it was defining. I could barely breathe, my heart was racing although everything around me moved in slow motion. I can't believe they're gone. Dead. This is what people read about in magazines and say, "That poor girl, lost both her parents at such a young age," then you turn the page. This was my reality, I couldn't turn the page. And now, now I've got to live with it.
4. "Last call for passengers boarding flight 144 A to Paris, France," the flight attendant muffled over the intercom. I grabbed my bags and took out my tickets and headed towards the gate. "Will you be traveling alone?" said the attendant grabbing my boarding pass. "Yes, I am alone," I quivered at the reality of my loss. I was, in this world, alone.
5. The Eiffel Tower is beautiful. Everything about it intrigued me. How did it last this long? I searched the shore as I saw painter after painter. Bakerys filling every corner and large museums trampled with people.
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4 comments:
Your first opening is my favorite. The descriptions are very vivid and it allows the reader to create an image in your head.
My favorite is opener 4. The best thing about 3 and 4 was that they both established that some sort of tragedy has occured. I like 4 best because it intriques you without revealing too much.
Your openers are all different, I like them all. It really depends where you are going to take your story on which you choose. If you want your character to have a false sense of security to have the impact of the death be more devistating then i would go with either 3 or 4. Otherwise i really like your first one.
I like the 4 opening the best, because it is realistic in how you open the story. It also intrigues the reader to learn more about why the main character is shocked at their loss.
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